Angels and Demons
Cruelty exists. For some reason that escapes me (wish thinking?) We always try to deny this reality. We think that the bad guys, the cruel ones, are only those in the movies: sometimes we try to look at the world a little better and we manage to frame the cruelty in some serial killer that ends up in the news, in the dictators around the world, in the maniacs, in rapists. But the reality, absurdly, is even cruder than that because my dear, cruelty is much closer than we imagine. We just never want to admit it. We sometimes find it in our behavior or in those of those around us, perhaps even in the way of being of a person dear to us: a partner or a family member.
Only when this is the reality, for the process mentioned above, we begin to deny, to pretend not to see, because admitting that a sister, a mother, a father, a partner is “cruel”, in the truest sense of the term , it’s harder than suffering such cruelty. Those few times, then, in which we manage to detect cruelty in people close to us, pay attention to it, usually also starts an unsolicited process of justification. That is so because…. Etc etc. Another way to make fun of ourselves first.
When instead we should point to our sensitivity and learn to recognize the cruelty in those around us. It would only be the first step in self-protection. And when we happen to come to understand that a loved one expresses cruelty feelings or behaviors (or both) towards us, we should immediately put in place a whole series of initiatives to limit this expression of theirs which, in the long run, can destroy our life. If possible we must really get away from people of this type to take away any power they have over us. But I understand it’s not always easy. Because we care about them and why the cruel are often also perfect bewitching snakes.
And do you know why even with good reason it is so difficult to get away from the cruel? Because they are angels and demons. Be careful because in this case the conjunction “and” does not serve to divide two distinct sets of people. In this case the conjunction “and” indicates a co-presence of the two things: therefore very often the cruel people close to us behave towards us both as angels and as demons. Both things. They are very good in the art of flattery which is immediately followed by blackmail, fear. Two weapons that the cruel use to perfection to control our actions and our behavior. And, I repeat, I am referring to people dear to us!
One would therefore wonder why the cruel behave like this. if you really want to go into this path well, know that, on a psycho-clinical level, two explanations are offered. The first is that of an educational matrix: a person is cruel because family, friendships and relationships have made him so. But this is not an excuse anyway, and the biggest mistake you can make (and I did it too to be honest) is to indulge some cruel behavior from people close to us just because “they had a childhood difficult ”, or similar. By doing so you would not do yourself any good and you would create alibis for the cruel person. As mentioned, you have to get away from such a person if you can, and if you really can’t (maybe it’s your mother), you can still impose limits on her without becoming cruel.
It also exists, but I will tell it to you as an anecdote, because it is a curious fact, a current of thought according to which cruelty even has a physiological matrix, and in particular is linked to the fact of having low levels of a hormone in the body, oxytocin. The curious thing is that oxytocin is a hormone that is used to activate childbirth in women. Strange isn’t it? A hormone that ultimately gives birth to new lives is the same one that, when absent, also causes a form of contempt for the lives of others… Alias, cruelty. For the series, it all comes together.
But beyond these unconfirmed clinical disquisitions, the truth is only one. When you realize that there is a cruel person next to you, the first mistake you must not make is to think that you can change them. People do not change and if they do it they do not do it for you, they do it for themselves because perhaps marked by certain events. So give up on thoughts that your love will change someone’s behavior. At the most, the opposite could happen, that is, your love will end up creating alibis in favor of someone who should not be given.
The cruelty of those next to you will not be healed by your goodness. Rather, find a way to protect yourself, to shelter yourself from them, as you shelter from an impending storm. So that their cruelty, today, does not become yours, tomorrow. In fact, cruelty, oxytocin or not, can become contagious.