Habits to be unhappy

If you do a little research on the internet using keys such as “how to be happy”, rest assured, you will find millions of results; then, however, you look around and all this happiness is not there, either, or what goes around on the internet, called in the Roman style, are just a bunch of “shit”, or something must have gone wrong. The truth, and it is not something that I discover, is that unfortunately (but perhaps also fortunately) there are no recipes for happiness and each of us, if we can, is required to find the right mix for himself. his. Even I, although so far I cannot say that I have not lived a happy life, I have not yet developed a recipe for happiness in my head, neither that it works for me, nor that it works for others. However, I have focused on at least three behaviors to avoid in our pursuit of happiness. Again, I repeat, it does not presume to say that these are rules that apply to everyone. Rather, it is a matter of teachings that are the fruit of my life experience that I want to share with you.

Don’t be afraid of others

I don’t know people who are lonely and happy. For heaven’s sake not all those surrounded by so many friends are happy but it is indubitable that being among others is an excellent viaticum for a happy life. Others can often become a source of problems: when understanding is lacking, when wickedness or envy emerges. But the fact remains that we are born and die as social animals, and therefore the other must never become an element of fear, whether it is a relative of ours or a foreigner. In the other, we will always be able to find ideas for personal and cultural growth. Baden Powel used to say that if I give you a penny and you give me one in the end each of us will always have a penny. But if instead we exchange ideas in the end each of us will have two. Here is this “the other”. An opportunity yet to be discovered that we should not be afraid of. Sometimes it can hurt us but there will be countless times when others, with their comfort and their experiences, will help us to overcome troubles or bad moments.

Don’t plan your happiness

In a Salvatores film, Amnesia, there is one of the characters who says something like: “While men make plans, the gods laugh.” We would spend our lives planning even pee breaks, while up there somewhere in the universe someone laughs knowing full well how empty our projects are with respect to the imponderability of life. That’s right, and the biggest mistake we can make is to think even for a moment that our programming can somehow predispose us to happiness. Nonsense. Happiness is an extreme emotion, fast and fleeting like orgasm and, just like the latter, absolutely immune to any type of programming. We manage to be happy when we stop making plans and let ourselves go to life, as it comes, with its ups and downs. The latter are fundamental to live in the moment in which they present themselves to us.When in fact could you feel that you are happy and be able to consciously shout it out to the whole world if you did not cry first, if you did not first experience suffering, discomfort, disillusionment? It’s impossible. For this you need to know how to let yourself go many times, and let things follow their natural course without staying there too long trying to govern them.

We don’t need that much

I know that said by me (and those who know me will understand) this phrase may sound a bit “hypocritical”, but I swear to you that I really believe it. As I wrote in a previous post of mine, at this point in my life it is very clear to me that what I lack to be happy cannot be bought. And on the other hand, I learned that each of us would need very little. Siddhartha used to say that what we need is all in the volume of a fist (or the heart if you want the more romantic version). He was referring to the fact that if you have a little beans and a sip of water with you, you don’t need anything else to live. Well, I’m not that spartan but, and travel has taught me so much in this, I realize that there are very few things we need to feel good in this world. Similarly, there are few people we need to be happy. Forget the long lists of friends on your Instagram contact list: your happiness develops from a few well-defined interpersonal relationships. How to recognize them? Well I have devised a very simple but effective technique. Do you know who are in a nutshell and beyond any reasonable doubt the people you need close to you to be truly happy? Exactly those, and none more, that you would like next to you on your darkest day. Neither one more nor one less. Easier than that!